Get the Books
Describes a path towards healing and potential forgiveness for anyone in a relationship affected by selfishness, violence, abuse, addiction, or betrayal. It guides the reader on how to assess the damage done and recognize codependency and vindictiveness in themselves, blocking the way from injury to peace. It gives pragmatic advice on how to find safety, assert needs, apologize, make amends, and promote change.
How to Make an Apology You’ll Never Have to Make Again
Step-by-step instructions that will enable you to make an effective apology and transform yourself into the person you would like to be.
Constructive Conflict: Building Something Good Out of All Those Arguments
Informative, down to earth and practical. A must read for anyone who wants concrete, explicit ways to improve their communication and conflict resolution skills.
Watch the Movie
Need a Map?
Relationship Badass Podcast
Psych Up Live
I was interviewed by Suzanne Phillips in Psych Up Live on the VoiceAmerica Variety Channel about The Road to Reconciliation: Pitfalls and Possibilities.
Optimal Living Daily
I’ll be teaching a 2 hour webinar for therapists at 9 am, Eastern Time next Friday, 1/17/2020, on goodtherapy.org. Two continuing ed hours will be provided by GoodTherapy for attending this web conference in its entirety. If you cannot participate live, you’ll be able to view it from the Goodtherapy archives.
Every client who comes to therapy is likely to have hurt or been hurt by their loved ones. This is understandable for people who are seeking marriage counseling and trauma recovery, but it is likely also the case when the presenting problem is addiction or any other mental health condition. The focus of treatment should not necessarily be on the harm caused or suffered, but relationships may need to be mended before recovery can be solid.
A break in a relationship can bring up many difficult questions for both the clinician and the client. Was the harm momentous, or was it much ado over nothing? Can a perpetrator’s complaints be taken seriously or are they simply justifying their actions? Are the victim and perpetrator in denial? Is the victim playing the victim? Is the victim forgiving too easily or making restitution impossible? Is the perpetrator staying in the relationship out of codependency or authentic love? How can things be made right? Is it okay to confess a betrayal to someone ignorant of it? How can the client effectively demand an apology? How do you make an apology stick? What can be done when reconciliation is impossible? What does peace look like?
In this 2-hour continuing education web conference, I will discuss how to answer these questions and more. I will describe a process of healing and potential forgiveness for anyone in a relationship affected by selfishness, violence, abuse, addiction, or betrayal; whether they are the victim, the perpetrator, or both. I will explain how to assess the damage done and recognize codependency and vindictiveness, blocking the way from injury to peace. I will give pragmatic advice on how to help clients find safety, assert needs, apologize, make amends, and promote change.
It’ll be all based on my book, The Road to Reconciliation: A Comprehensive Guide to Peace When Relationships Go Bad
In this video, I appear as a guest on Noel Bell’s podcast/videocast, talking about reconciliation.